(29/29 F and M)
We’re at the precipice of a breakup or separation, I think.
This is due to my drinking problem. I don’t get mean or nasty or anything, he’s just worried about my long term health, and I’ve been lying about my intake.
He found another hidden bottle today. I think this is it, honestly.
The bottle, I’m being 100% honest here, is for panic attacks. My anxiety has been off charts the past few months. That’s no excuse, but that’s my truth.
MY QUESTION:
We haven’t talked about it yet. Tonight I spent an hour making nooses and testing their strength against a hook in the ceiling in the basement. No one knows this.
But if he wants to leave me, he should be allowed to! I’m NOT gonna threaten suicide or self harm to get him to stay, ffs. I’d never try to manipulate him into not leaving me. EVER. I’ve had that done to me. I’d NEVER do that to him.
But in truth my life would be 100% over if he left.
And (obviously) we’re working on honesty here.
So should I be honest with him? I’ve never felt like this before. But it’s also not his burden to bear.
TLDR: how honest should I be with my bf about suicidal ideation when the last thing I want is for him to feel manipulated?