TLDR; been together 4 years but boyfriend is dragging his feet about proposing.
My partner (M, 31) wont propose after 4 years (F, 29).
I (F,29) have been with my partner (M,31) for 4 years. 1 year in, he said that the 2 year mark would be a good time to get engaged. We are 4 years in and still no ring. We have lived together for 3 years.
I want him to want to propose. I want him to make this one symbolic gesture that says, “I choose you.” I want him to put the time, the thought, and the emotional labor into this one task, without me having to hint or pressure or nag or remind.
I believe that communication is essential in relationships. Instead of staying silent, wishing and hoping- I have been pretty clear in telling him that it means a lot to me.
Every time I bring it up, he gets defensive and / or negative about it. His responses range from “why do you even want to get married” to “well we live together and have a dog so what more commitment do you want” to “yeah I’ll do it soon stop asking”.
6 months ago I initiated the conversation about ring designs, and suggested that we design and order a ring together. He agreed and we ordered one. We agreed that we would split the price. I paid for it at the time. He hasn’t prioritised paying the other half. It has been sitting in a drawer collecting dust.
Now, he isn’t a very sentimental person. He doesn’t do dates, or flowers, or really anything very thoughtful.
He knows this means a lot to me. I want it to mean a lot to him.
I don’t want to wake up in another 4 years and realise that nothing eventuated, that it was all empty promises. If he doesn’t want the same things, I want him to just be honest with me about it and not tell me what I want to hear.
Should I wait and hope something changes?